Mad Cow's Disease

Picture this


You’re driving through the country-side. You’ve just spent the weekend out of the rat-race. You and your partner are feeling closer and more connected than ever. In fact, there’s no other place you’d rather be but right there next to your soul mate. The sky is so clear you can see crystals in the air. The afternoon light showcases a time-chiseled landscape. Left.., right.., no matter where you look, its just one panoramic slide after another. You consider capturing the scene on camera, and then decline to forfeit the moment.
Your car is luxuriously smooth, and your favorite music is playing, which incidentally, has put the kids to sleep. A smile spreads wide across your face, and you look over to see the love of your life reflecting that same smile. She caresses your shoulder, and strokes slowly down your arm to the upturned palm of your hand. After some suggestive tickling her fingers interlock with yours as she squeezes her intention.
You squeeze right back, not with your hands but with your abs, Phoof! PhhhhhoooffffffPPFFFFF. A huge fart rips through the car seat. You’re wife has lost that smile, and you almost lose control of the car as tears of laughter are followed by tears of relief. Incredibly the kids have slept through the bum-blast, but the fallout now invading their air-space is almost certain to affect their breathing.
“Sorry Love, but your mum’s home cookin gets me every time,” is the only condolence you can muster to your shell-shocked wife.
Flatulence has now taken centre stage as it urges you to recall a thought you had whilst on the in-laws verandah. Horror has now replaced laughter as the morning’s experience bites into your reality.

Much earlier that day you had been helping your father-in-law (Jim) feeding the cows. It was just after dawn as you and Jim dismounted the tractor and you’re immediately struck by the observation that all the cows are shouldered together in the one, well-worn paddock.

You ask “Jim, is there something special to the cows about this plonker of a paddock? Why are we handing them bales of grass here when that paddock over there across the easement has got grass literally waving at us?
“Well son”, he says in an acknowledging tone, “It’s because I don’t want them in that paddock. I want to keep the lush paddock for crop growing”
“But it’s not like you’ve got a barbed fence there Jim. Surely they could cross the creek, and scale the bank. Then they’d be up to their udders in fresh green grass.”
“Son, you don’t understand. These cows don’t like cold creeks and muddy banks. Besides, the barn with the baled grass is closer to this paddock.”
“Jim, are you trying to tell me that there’s not one cow in this whole herd of fat hoofers that hasn’t been tempted to reach those greener pastures?”
“You never asked that son. But now that you have, a very few have tried, some got stuck in the mud and had to be dragged out, and a couple actually made it. But most all of the herd are familiar with this paddock. They know what’s going to happen, that I will feed them and milk them, feed them and milk them”
“And how about those lucky cows that made it to the other side. Do you ever see them?”
“Sometimes son, but they pretty much look after themselves now.”

All this time, while you and your father in-law have been chewing the cud of logic of the common cow, there has been another humanized version of this conversation playing out simultaneously in the backstage of your mind.
For you that well-worn paddock is the rat race, and that farmer is your boss.
But worse revelations are on their way.
As you grab a hand-full of grass, a brown cow of all cows trots right up to you, and eye-balls your hand. Steam extracts from its nostrils, and the ears twitch in anticipation of a feed. Though the cow does not share your fascination, you pause to take it all in. Previously transfixed on the feed in your hand, the cow’s eyes are now on your eyes. Its amazing…., you, and the cow…., are having a moment. The cow says the only thing it can…….Moo…….and what do you do? You mouth it straight back…..Moo…..
A rising flood of emotions tears apart your senses as you finally realize that you and the cow are essentially 1 and the same. You are the COW in this play. No, it’s worse even than that. You are just A cow in this paddock, treading in the cow dung of all the other no name cows in this same, wretched, paddock.

Moral of the story: don’t go picking exotic looking mushrooms while at your in-law’s farm.

And on a serious note, if you are concerned that you may have contracted mad cow’s disease, then you can find green pastures by visiting my website http://www.setsail4life.com/